I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
