New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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