I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize