we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
