I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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