Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
