So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
