He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
