my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
