I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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