what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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