I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
