The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
