Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
