I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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