we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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