so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
