He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
