my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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