He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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