With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
