I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
