Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize