Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
