just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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