I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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