I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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