god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
