so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
