your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
