why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
