wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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