i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
