I wish I could punch you in the face.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Randomize
