so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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