i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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