Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
