i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
