Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
