Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
