he thought i was a dude.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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