your room smells of hookers.
And success
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize