You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
