If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
