I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize