She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Randomize
