I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
