I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
