At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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