just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
