Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
