I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
