grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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