I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
there is puke in my bra ... again
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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