Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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