You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She bit a glass in half.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
