Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize