I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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