Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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