Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
