You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
