My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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