She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
