how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
