I want to make a zoo with you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
