I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
