He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
