he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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