the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
so much tequila, so little girl.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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