Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
