i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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