these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
