You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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