it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
