Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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