YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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