Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize