Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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