He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
