i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
