I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize