she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
